TRP BLOG

Shall I stay or shall I go?

Has your relationship got to the point where you are no longer sure if it is working?

What happened?

Perhaps you look back to happier times - the excitement when you first met, the connection you used to have when you shared what happened during your day, the little signs that you were constantly in each other’s thoughts. Where has it all gone?

Instead of enjoying each other’s company perhaps you now find yourselves arguing over every little thing or annoyed by your partner’s habits.

Have you got into circular arguments, where you seem to go over and over the same ground without ever reaching an agreement on the way forward?

As time goes on we know exactly how to push our partner’s buttons and things can quickly escalate to what we call ‘pushing the nuclear button’ - or threatening the end of the relationship.

This is not a happy place to be!

What is stopping you leaving?

As you look forward you are torn between considering the things that hold you together:

Your children - how would they cope if we separate?
Your home - where will I live?
Money - there isn’t enough for both of us to live separately and maintain the lifestyle we’ve got used to
Fear of loneliness - how will I cope on my own? I can’t imagine dating again
Sense of failure - I always imagined marriage is for life. Separation is a sign that I’m no good at relationships. It would be such a shock to my family / our friends

Is the grass looking greener elsewhere?

And the rosier prospect of a life without the stress and unhappiness you are experiencing at the moment:

No more rows
Being in charge of your own decisions
Freedom from abusive behaviour
The potential for a new and better relationship

So how do you decide?

This is a big decision and you’re no longer sure how you feel about your partner. Two things will help you:

Finding out what you really want in life and whether this is the same as your partner. This is more than whether you share time together. It is about the priority you give to the things that make up your life together: family, career, leisure, money, intimacy and more.... It is about getting to the heart of who you really are.
Finding out where both of you stand. If it is to succeed, your relationship needs both of you to work at it - for ever. You may be uncertain about your feelings at the moment yet if both of you are willing to give it a go, there is a chance of repairing your relationship. If only one of you wants to work at things and the other has already ‘moved on,’ then there is little chance of repair.